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Billy Hill and the Hillbillies Regular Golden Horseshoe Saloon Script {Speaking parts appear in blue italic, singing parts are in red italic} |
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Announcement [voice over]: Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for Billy Hill and the Hillbillies. |
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As the curtain opens, the four hillbillies enter to the tune of “Under the Double Eagle”. From left to right, they are Billy Bass, Billy Mandolin, Billy Elvis and Billy Fiddle. Gradually, the song breaks into “It’s A Small World” as Billy Fiddle and Billy Mandolin step forward and pretend to be animated robots playing their instruments. Billy Bass steps forward and does his own bass solo of “It’s a Small World”. Finally, Billy Elvis steps up to the mike and plays the final guitar lick to end the song.
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Billy Elvis: Thank you and welcome to the Golden Horseshoe Saloon. We played “It’s a Small World” because [Billy Mandolin shows childlike glee in background] well frankly, we just wanted to get it over with. [Billy Mandolin looks sad in background] We’re Billy Hill and the Hillbillies. We must thank the California Prison Work Release Program. It’s great to be entertaining again. It’s just great to be out. Now we’d like to play our Mountain Music Medley. Come on, boys! [music starts] |
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Billy Elvis sings: Mama, don’t allow no mandolin playing here, Mama, don’t allow no mandolin playing here, we don’t care what Mama don’t allow, Play that mandolin anyhow, Mama, don’t allow no mandolin playing here. Go, mando!
[Billy Mandolin plays brief mandolin solo that leads into the Macarena. Billy Elvis immediately starts doing the Macarena dance.] Billy Elvis: That’s Billy on the mandolin and me on the Macarena. Oh yeah, Billy. [Crowd cheers] |
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Billy Elvis sings: Mama, don’t allow no blues harp playing here, Mama, don’t allow no blues harp playing here, we don’t care what Mama don’t allow, gonna’ play that blues harp anyhow, Mama, don’t allow no Blues Harp playing here, here’s the blues harp...
[Billy Fiddle holds a single blues note for at least a minute before breaking into a blues riff] Billy Elvis: Billy Hill on Blues Harp. |
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Billy Elvis sings: Mama, don’t allow no bass slapping here, Mama, don’t allow no Bass slapping here, Well, we don’t care what Mama don’t allow, gonna slap that bass anyhow, Mama, don’t allow no bass slapping here, Slap it, Billy!
[Billy Bass plays a bass solo, and slaps it.]. [Billy lays bass on ground and continues to play it.] Billy Elvis holds up Billy Bass’ hand at end of riff and says, The Winner …..Billy. |
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Billy Elvis: Through music we can travel great distances, and we’d love to have ya’ll join us, as we take you on a trip to our homeland….we’d like to take all you people to the land that we were born and raised in….we’re taking about the mountains ….[bass solo]…..of Santa Monica. |
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Billy Elvis sings: Mama, don’t allow no surfer music here, Mama, don’t allow no surfer music here, Well, we don’t care what Mama don’t allow, gonna surf anyhow, Mama, don’t allow no surfer music here, Surf’s Up…….[Billy Mandolin comes in from left of the stage playing a wash board and doing The Venture’s “Wipe Out”, Billy Fiddle enters playing electric surf guitar dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and ball cap and does an electric version of “Wipe Out”, Billy Bass also takes a solo of “Wipe Out”.] |
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Billy Mandolin: [turning to the audience] Hey, it’s time for an electric gee-tar solo. Does anyone want to hear a gee-tar solo from Billy. Billy Fiddle: That WAS my solo. Billy Mandolin: Let’s give Billy some encouragement….[crowd cheers] Billy Fiddle: Oh, OK. [Billy Fiddle plays surf guitar solo and ends with Star Spangled Banner while other Billies stand at attention. Billy Elvis steps forward as the other Billies leave the stage.] Billy Elvis: We use the Electric guitar to get that hard riving rock grove that we are so known for. We rock like madmen. Before we were men, we were rocking like madmen. We can’t help it. It’s in our DNA. Rock and Roll….I hate to get analytical, but it’s so impressive how rock and roll has affected [pause]…..ya’ll. |
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Billy Elvis: There she was just a walkin' down the street, singing….. Crowd: …..do wa diddy, diddy dum, diddy do. Billy Elvis: Woe,…..Well now, it’s one for the money, two for the show, Crowd: …..three to get ready now, go cat go. Billy Elvis: Na, na, na, na, na, na, Crowd: ……hey, hey, hey good-bye Billy Elvis: She wore an itsy, bitsy, teeny, weenie, Crowd: ……Yellow, polka dot bikini, Billy Elvis: Oooo, Eeee, Oooo, Ah, ah Crowd: …..ting, tang, walla, walla, bing, bang, Billy Elvis: Isn’t this weird? Let’s not do this anymore! |
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Billy Elvis: .Now let’s bring to the stage, one of the greatest legends of Rock and Roll. [The stage becomes bathed in a blue spot light and the music builds as Billy Elvis turns his back to the audience, takes on an “Elvis” stance, pulls off his hat, tosses it to the ground, and turns back around to reveal an Elvis haircut. He licks his fingers, pulls a small section of hair to the first of his forehead, pastes it down with spit and curls his upper lip.] |
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Billy Elvis sings: Well, it’s one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, now go, cat, go, Now don’t you step on my blue suede shoes, eh, uh, uh, you can do anything, but stay off of my blue suede shoes. [turns to Billy Bass and speaks] Come on man, let’s rock. Now, it’s alright, mama, it’s alright for you. It’s alright, mama, anything you want to do, well, it’s alright, [echo...It’s alright], yeah, it’s alright, [echo…it’s alright], yeah, it’s alright now mama, anything you want to do, [Bass solo fills in gap to next song] You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog, crying all the time, you ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog, cryin’ all the time, you ain’t never caught a rabbit and you ain’t no friend of mine …………… It’s now or never, come hold me tight, kiss me my darlin’, be mine tonight, tomorrow may be too late. It’s now or never [electric guitar plays the famous Elvis intro…da, da, da, da-daa, pom-pom, pom-pom, pom-pom. Billy Elvis strikes his famous “Elvis karate pose” and starts to do a karate move as the music swells.] My love won’t wait. [Billy Elvis holds last note to audience applause.] Billy Elvis: [as he turns from his Elvis “look” into a hillbilly and raises his hand] Back to me. |
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Billy Elvis: And now we’re going to bring out my little brother, Billy, who is going to blow you away with a classical piece entitled the William Tell Overture. But we like to call it the Billy Tell Overture. Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Hill. [Billy Mandolin enters from the right as the curtains close behind him and immediately launches into his brilliant solo of the William Tell Overture. A third of the way through the overture, Billy Mandolin pauses for a break, grins shyly and motions for applause. |
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Following the applause, he again launches into the next movement of the overture when suddenly the curtain opens to reveal the other three Billies waiting patiently for the song to be finished. While Billy Bass is playing the bass and Billy Elvis, the guitar, Billy Fiddle stands alone looking bored. As the music continues, Billy Fiddle begins to shrug his shoulders to the music and than breaks into a mamba. He produces a duck calls and begins to play along with the music. As the overture finishes and the music builds, Billy Fiddle does a final duck call and Billy Mandolin finishes the overture. Billy Elvis: Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Hill. [The audience applauds. Billy Mandolin takes a bow.] |
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| Billy Elvis: And now, we’d like to bring out my big brother, Billy. He’s going to play a famous bluegrass song about a train that carried oranges. …My brother, Billy plays this song fast. He’s known as the fastest speed fiddler in the whole of…..Frontierland…..excluding the mariachis. We haven’t raced them yet. | ||
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[Billy Fiddle plays the introduction to “Orange Blossom Special” and sounds like a train building up stream. Part way through, he stops and says, “Woooo, woooo” like a train whistle.] Billy Elvis: That was some mighty fancy fiddlin’. [Billy Fiddle taps him on the shoulder and indicates that he’d like to speak with him]. Billy Elvis: Just a minute, my brother wants to speak to me. What? [Both Billies talk quietly to each other, while Billy Bass and Billy Mandolin come forward and try to listen in, while playing “The Theme to Jeopardy.” Before Billy Fiddle has finished talking the music ends with the final two notes from the Jeopardy theme.] |
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Billy Elvis: Time Up! Billy just said that he feels a love bound with this entire audience and he feels that on the wings of your love he can break his speed fiddlin’ record that hasn’t been broken in three years. [Billy Fiddle holds up two fingers]. This will be officially clocked on this official…..clock. Billy is now assuming his speed fiddlin’ crouch. [Billy Fiddle assumes a crouched position] We will now await his OK before we actually commence. Billy Fiddle: OK. |
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Billy Elvis: Clocking…one…two…three…go. Oh, nice start.., building speed…, and now accelerating. [All four Billies turn toward the booth on the right hand side of the stage, as Billy Fiddle builds up speed. When he has reached his goal, they turn toward the other booth at stage left and than await Billy Elvis’ time.] Billy Elvis: 35 miles per hour. What a disappointing time for Billy! Let’s give him a hand for trying. [Billy resumes playing the Orange Blossom Special.] |
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| Billy Fiddle: Thank you folks, We have some good news and some bad news. The bad news of course, is that I wasn’t able to break my speed fiddlin’ record. Not to worry though. The good news is that my old record still stands. [He awaits audience applause] Thank you for the wonderful applause. For those of you who didn’t join in, we know you’re disappointed. We’ll make it up to you right now by adding another fiddle. Please make welcome, brother Billy. |
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[Billy Mandolin comes out playing a fiddle and breaks into “Zorba the Greek”, a Greek dance type song. Billy Fiddle starts the crowd clapping, as Billy Elvis produces a bandana from his back pocket and holds it out to Billy Fiddle challenging him to a Greek dance. They dance in a circle as Billy Bass and Billy Mandolin play and than ran off stage. Billy Mandolin continues to play and than calls Billy Fiddle back to play Orange Blossom duet with him.] | |
| Billy Fiddle: Let Billy know you love him. And now, fiddle number three. [Billy Elvis enters with a fiddle and receives wolf whistles from crowd] | ||
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Billy Elvis: Thank you. That makes me feel very attractive, but cheap. I’ll never forget this one cold morning, late in the afternoon, when my brothers told me I wasn’t a very good fiddle player. They said I played like a classic violinist. They bought me this set of teeth to help compensate. I believe this is what we call a pros-teeth-sis. I would like to show you how I played before they bought me these teeth. [Billy Elvis plays “Concerto for Two Violins” and crowd applauds. He puts the teeth in.] Billy Elvis: Alright-y. That may have sounded nice, but it don’t put the possum on the table. [He smiles and laughs, showing a set of “hillbilly” teeth.] This is going to sound a little different. |
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[Billy Elvis plays a country riff, as
he flirts with the audience. All three fiddles play “Holiday for Strings”
as Billy Elvis walks about the stage like a fashion model in a spring
fashion show. As he comes back to the center of the stage, all three fiddles
play “The Indiana Jones Theme Song” and slide right back into the “Orange
Blossom Special.” Billy Elvis stops to itch his nose part way through
and produces a scratching sound. As they hit the final notes, Billy Elvis
leaps up and lands as the last note plays.] Billy Elvis: [Taking out his pros-teeth-sis and handing them forward toward someone in the crowd] Do you want these back? Thank you so much, we’re going the extra fiddle here with my big brother, Billy on fiddle number four. [Billy Bass comes out on the fourth fiddle to the sound of the “Olympic Theme”. Billy Elvis: We are so proud of this. Over there… on that shelf…f sits our CD. And over at the Bonanza Outfitters, they have agreed to sell our CD. So as soon of the show is over, we’re going to run it over there. If somebody buys it…, show ‘em, Billy. [Billy Bass shows that a second CD is hiding behind the first CD on the shelf.] We have a back-up. We think the back-up actually sounds better, because we were more rehearsed. |
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| Billy Elvis: The last song of the show is so important….It has to be as entertaining to watch as it is to look at. We decided to add choreography after we saw River Dance. Of course, we have a smaller stage and less people. So we scaled our version down. We call it Puddle Prance. |
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[As the other three Billies stand back to back in the center of the stage, Billy Fiddle begins playing a fiddler’s hornpipe type tune. Billy Elvis strikes his best Lord of the Dance pose and joins them in the center. As they begin to move counter clock-wise in a circle, Billy Bass moves his bow in front of Billy Elvis’ face and says, Oh Bill-ll-lly. Oh, Bill-ll-lly. Billy Elvis watches the bow closely, gives Billy Bass a weird look and proceeds around the circle, where he ends up back where he started.] Billy Elvis: I’m back. I just went around in a little circle.
[The Billies proceed to dance in a circle, as Billy Elvis spins across the stage. They all come together in the center and bow to each other. Billy Fiddle steps on Billy Elvis’ foot, but blames Billy Mandolin. He is yelled at as Billy Elvis leaps into the center of the stage, as the others play “The Nutcracker Theme” and than begins his “Michael Flatly” impression. He ends the dance with a flourish and than links up arms with Billy Bass. Billy Fiddle sees what they are doing and also joins the link. He is joined finally by Billy Mandolin and they proceed to the side of the stage and the right hand side stairs. While going down the stairs, Billy Elvis accidentally get s his bow caught up his nose. They stop and Billy Bass turns to see the accident.] |
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Billy Elvis: Oh, no. It’s happened again. We need to work on this section of the show. This happens EVERY show. I feel badly for the children. This isn’t what Walt would have wanted. You wouldn’t see this on a brochure. COME TO DISNEYLAND. [All the Billies strike a pose including Billy Elvis with bow still inserted in right nostril.] This isn’t good. [As Billy Elvis pulls the bow from his nostril, a pinging sound can be heard throughout the saloon] Billy Elvis: It’s alright everybody. I’m OK. |
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| The Billies finish walking across the front of the audience , talking to the guests as they pass. They continue up the left side stairs and onto the stage where they finish playing. As they step forward they play a final riff where each Billy is spotlighted and end singing BILL-LL-Y in harmony. As the curtain starts to close, Elvis Billy yells, I’m OK. |
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This script is based on a typical Billy
Hill and the Hillbillies Show. Not all songs, jokes or material have been
included. This is merely presented to be an example of a typical show. The
actual show is subject to change at any time. This site is not in any way
connected to Billy Hill and the Hillbillies, Lemar Productions,
Disneyland, The Disneyland Resorts or the Walt Disney Company. Thank you for visiting. Please come again. |
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